Almost Interesting

(13:02:28) Sara Pulis: maybe chocolate mousse with an oreo crust… but instead of normal…
(13:02:44) Sara Pulis: I take and blend up some choco-covered espresso beans into the crust
(13:02:56) Sara Pulis: and then have just a touch of instant coffee in the mousse
(13:03:30) Sara Pulis: I’ve been kicking that idea around in my head all weekend. How does it sound?
(13:04:21) Elvin: it sounds like we are bffs
(13:04:23) Sara Pulis: XD

I translated this. Enjoy! <3

今すぐ… 壊して… ima sugu… kowashite…
     Break me… This instant…
そう呟くのは sou tsubuyaku no wa
     Such an utterance is
今更遅すぎる神への冒涜 imasara oso sugiru kami e no boutoku
     a blasphemy against the gods which comes to late.
Get lost!

残酷な出来事が退屈を癒す zankoku na dekigoto ga taikutsu o iyasu
     Cruel incidents cure boredom.
野蛮なとろける愛撫に悶えろ yaban na torokeru aibu ni modaero
     Languish in the savage caress that enchants you.
目を見開いたまま溺れたいなら me o mihiraita mama oboretai nara
     If you want to drown with your eyes open,
Get lost!
Out of my head!
(You’ve got to find the help of God!)

Until we’re allowed to be free,
突き刺さるプラグに悶え tsukisasaru PLUG ni modae
     In agony from the plugs that pierce my body,
もっと手を伸ばして激しく僕を癒しておくれ motto te o nobashite hageshiku boku o iyashite okure
     Stretch your hand out further, heal me violently.

I said we’ve got no guarantee.
散切れる躯を抱きしめ chi kireru mukuro wo dakishime
     Embracing the mutilated corpse,
もっと目を開いて激しく壊れておくれ motto me o hiraite hageshiku kowarete okure
     Open your eyes wider, break me violently.
Until we’re allowed to be free,
突き刺さるプラグに悶え tsukisasaru PLUG ni modae
     In agony from the plugs that pierce my body,
もっと手を伸ばして激しく僕を癒しておくれ motto te o nobashite hageshiku boku o iyashite okure
     Stretch your hand out further, heal me violently.

The Book of Joshua isn’t particularly interesting, though much more heinously bloody than all previous. It recounts the string of genocidal conquests into Canaan which occurred between the death of Moses and the death of his second-in-command, Joshua. Of the people found there, God orders all of them put to death without exception. Of course, exceptions are made about which God is peculiarly silent.

In chapter 2 two Isrealite spies are aided by Rahab, a treasonous resident of Jericho. Rahab is either a prostitute or an innkeeper, about which the NIV is unsure. (Seems like a fairly big difference, yes?) She aids the spies in exchange for her and her family’s lives. After a successful campaign (the one where the city is marched around for seven days and all the walls fall), she lives among Israel. This story confuses me. So God commands destruction of all the people of Canaan without exception, yet exceptions are allowed?

Chapter 7 shows the inconsistency of these edicts. A man named Achan looted a few items during the conquest of Jericho, all of which was to be destroyed. After suffering a minor loss in Ai and some others dying of sickness (revealed in 22:20-22), Joshua is told that it was because some among them secretly sinned. (Sure, all bad things that happen are punishment for sin. It can’t be that you weren’t adequately prepared. Noooo. Joshua also preemptively blames intermarriage for military failures in 23:12-13. What about everybody who will marry a relative of Rahab?) Upon interrogation Achan confesses and is punished with death for himself and his entirely family, again directly acting in opposition to Deuteronomy 26:16.

I was impressed with the Gibeonites, a group of Hivites, whom deceived Joshua in chapter 9. After they heard of the fates of Jericho and Ai, some men were dressed shabbily and sent to meet Israel in order to forge a treaty. They claimed to have come far away and proffered their shabby wares as proof. (Smooth!) They are believed, God is not consulted nor does he intercede, and a peace treaty (sworn by the God of Israel) is made. Shortly thereafter the ruse is discovered and all Gibeon LOLs at them. Just kidding, they become the Israelites’ slaves. Um… good going?

In the next chapter occurs the other memorable scene from the Book of Joshua: the Sun stands still. Of course, nobody – apparently even God – knew that the Sun was stationary (Well, not really, but I’m sure God didn’t know this either.) and that the Earth turns and revolves around it. And when, as logic would dictate, the Earth stood still (perhaps the genesis of this term) gravity was not noted to have suddenly decreased. Also no word was of how hot the Earth – especially in a desert place like Canaan – became that day. Surely even an ignorant such as the author of the Book of Joshua knew the relation between the Sun being “up” and the temperature rising.

In chapter 20, the rules for people acquitted of murder are changed or contradicted. In Numbers 35:24-26 the person in question must remain in the Levite city until the high priest dies, but Joshua 20:6 states that they may leave upon being cleared of the charge. Though I do not complain about laws becoming more just, it does bother me that they are not constant. If their god is perfect, ought not these laws remain the same for more than some fifty years? (It’s not as though their society or technology improved much during the interim.)

Chapter 22 relates the anecdote about the tribes East of the River Jordan erecting a replica of an altar in order to remind those there of their god. The Western tribes get upset thinking that they had resorted to idolatry (which is likely given that these people have a history of worshipping new gods just two weeks after the old becomes occupied with other work [Exodus 32:1]). This was very funny to me because isn’t that exactly what a graven image/idol is? Surely people even back then were not stupid enough to think that the little statue got up and did the bidding of worshipers while nobody was looking, right?

The whole book is about genocidal military conquest, misplaced blame, stupidity, long lists of non-Israelites murdered, and more long lists of land allotments (upon which other people still live). The pervading themes of Joshua are the bigotry and smallness of the Israelites and of their god. “Thou shalt not murder” (Exodus 20:13) and other commandments clearly only apply to Israelites (who have not incurred magical wrath) and those whom curry their favor. My reading thus far has only strengthened my conviction that even if magic and all that nonsense could be real, a god like this is not worthy of worship. Any just-minded person would certainly rather spend eternity in Hell than with a monster like Israel’s God.